Real casting calls from real casting websites. Brought to you by the eagle-eyed @ProResting

The robot officer cuts off Ralph’s cock.

A ridiculously stacked vampire vigilante whose only quest is justice. 

Male lead - well spoken.

Female lead - great figure & could catch any man’s eye.

Wanted: an attractive female to star in a new production named 21st Century Fox. What I need is someone who can show up in character the minute she puts foot on my production and remains that way until the film is in the can. This is an easy role to play and the “RIGHT” candidate will be rewarded handsomely for their talent and performance. What I need for this feature length film is your typical everyday kind of state-created socialist “FEM-BOT” a classic Feminist Robot that we all know and love so well. You already know the type I’m looking for because she is really difficult to communicate with and almost impossible to understand. She must love to talk and mainly about herself, hate to listen especially if it’s about someone else or a subject that she is really ignorant about. She can’t stand being corrected and she will never admit she is wrong about anything. She must already possess all the known knowledge in the entire universe. This part is REALLY important. She must really be very sexually confused and gravitates to being a lesbian because she really can’t lead and absolutely refuses to follow and loves to frustrate men whom she secretly despises because they have been emasculated from their natural ability to have functional, meaningful and productive employment has been stripped away to force the women into the workforce and forced to compete performing really lame jobs which the vast majority of both sexes can’t stand to do or even do well at all. Overall I need someone who is just very difficult to please, extremely stubborn and just flat out plain hard to work with because she is just a miserable creature to deal with in general. If this describes you or anyone you know, please send me an email that tells me who you are, what you have got and, most important, what you can bring to this production to make it a commercial success. 

Females required to dance sexily/wear revealing outfits & then do some acting when the killer kidnaps you.

Audio drama that crosses over Doctor Who and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.

She’s chained up in what appears to be a coffin & a metallic device is lodged in her mouth. She’s lying on a pile of rotting skulls.

Will require standing around in bikini or underwear then various funny & sexy outfits showing how the robot can be used.

The older gangster puts a cookery instrument into his buttocks and ejaculates onto the floor. 

Male: You have to own a suit.

Female: You have to have elegant clothing that a sucessful business woman would wear.

The lady is more of a slapper.

There’s a sacrifice scene but it’s done in a sexy choreographed way where her top’s ripped to expose her breasts.

She has no lines but has a NUDE SCENE. Killed in a very graphic & over-the-top way.

We’re unable to pay but there will be free raffle tickets.

You’ll be put into costume, hop around in a bush, growl & yell a bit, fight a bit & die in agony.